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The feminine narcissist is shrouded in stereotypes: the femme fatale, the self-absorbed selfie-taker, the materialistic frequent shopper, and the black widow. Whereas it’s true that feminine narcissists might be useless, deal with their look and use their sexuality to garner consideration, these traits on their very own don’t essentially imply they’re full-fledged narcissists. Even when they’re, these are often not essentially the most dangerous traits which make them harmful to others.
Research signifies that companions and family members of narcissistic persons are subjected to a definite sample of dangerous behaviors related to their narcissistic traits. These embody behaviors associated to attention-seeking and admiration-seeking, conceited or haughty attitudes, envy and jealousy, devaluation of others, narcissistic rage and vengefulness. As well as, a current meta-analytic review of 437 research indicated that narcissism is related to a number of types of bullying and aggression – together with unprovoked aggression. The feminine narcissist is not any exception.
Whereas vainness and self-absorption can nonetheless actually be a part of their repertoire, the “actual” feminine narcissists of the world aren’t all the time essentially those checking themselves out within the mirror or posting scantily clad selfies. They’re often those going out of their strategy to bully the ladies they’re envious of and threatened by. Not solely do they exploit and abuse their romantic companions, however additionally they goal each their feminine mates and strangers with unprecedented cruelty. Feminine narcissists try to steal the highlight to compete with different ladies they understand as a risk and diminish the arrogance of their kids – particularly their very own daughters. They sabotage gifted coworkers within the office to climb the company ladder, defend abusers and predators whereas shaming their victims, intrude within the relationships of their feminine mates to “one-up” them, and pursue partnered males as a way of life.
These behaviors transcend “common” internalized misogyny and might be continual, sadistic, deliberate and calculated. The important thing in distinguishing between “simply” an insecure girl and a feminine narcissist is all in her frequent patterns of conduct: an insecure girl could harbor emotions of jealousy, envy, and resentment towards somebody often, however she will probably be unlikely to exit of her strategy to hurt or bully that particular person or attempt to sabotage her life.
That’s as a result of her empathy for others and ethical sense of proper or mistaken will restrict her conduct. A feminine narcissist, however, experiences malicious envy that analysis hyperlinks to each narcissistic and psychopathic traits, in addition to an extreme sense of entitlement. She is going to pull out all of the stops to cruelly devalue the goal of her envy, with no empathy for the targets she scapegoats, so as to set up her false sense of superiority.
Listed here are some tell-tale indicators chances are you’ll be coping with a feminine narcissist:
1. She love-bombs you to maintain you shut, simply so she will be able to be taught extra about you, exploit and devalue you. Whether or not you’re a good friend, companion, member of the family or foe, the feminine narcissist is rather like some other narcissist in that she is going to topic you to love-bombing (extreme consideration and reward) if she desires one thing from you. She is going to idealize you and make you are feeling particular and “chosen” in being her good friend or companion. Nevertheless, as soon as she’s recognized your strengths and vulnerabilities, she is going to spearhead a marketing campaign of utilizing these identical strengths and vulnerabilities towards you. Whereas she often makes use of her male companion’s vulnerabilities to additional exploit him (usually for materials assets) she is going to use her feminine good friend’s vulnerabilities to upstage her along with benefiting from no matter assets she offers as nicely.
After reaping among the advantages of your friendship, she is going to start to covertly assault and put down your perceived strengths – similar to your look, abilities, intelligence, or success – whereas declaring your assumed weaknesses with a sadistic smugness. This will happen both throughout one-on-one conversations or in entrance of others with covert put-downs to mock, humiliate, taunt, and covertly insult you. Equally, narcissistic moms who’re envious of their very own daughters will exit of their strategy to put them down, hypercriticizing and shaming their seems to be, abilities, and character each day to instill insecurities in them. It’s because they see their daughters as a illustration of youth, magnificence, and potential – as a risk to their false sense of superiority, grandiose sense of self and entitlement.
2. She is going to undertake points of your character as her personal, even when she criticizes these aspects of your id initially. On the office, she could even steal your work and declare the credit score. Feminine narcissists are chameleons in that they will “steal” the identities of others to reap the advantages of quickly donning the qualities and traits they’ve noticed in others. This implies chances are you’ll discover her mimicking points of your look, your gestures, phrases, hobbies, pursuits, mannerisms, fashion of clothes, beliefs, concepts, and philosophies. Feminine narcissists will use all these traits to masquerade on the earth as “you” in an try to get the identical reward and appreciation as you do. This “id theft” isn’t just restricted to the circle of feminine friendships: it may well additionally happen within the office in addition to in enterprise endeavors. Feminine narcissists are infamous for sabotaging their gifted, hard-working co-workers or workers within the office. They might unfold misinformation about you to your superiors, try to get you demoted whereas they battle for the promotion you deserve and even steal credit score on your work whereas reaping the fruits of your labor.
3. They rage and seethe once they’re not the focus and go to extreme lengths to make sure the highlight is targeted on them. They have an inclination to exhibit excessive “pickme” tendencies. Being mates with a feminine narcissist means you’re unwittingly pressured into a contest you didn’t even know existed. If the feminine narcissist perceives that you’re extra engaging, clever, profitable, or fashionable than her, she is going to go to absurd lengths to make sure the highlight stays targeted on her. That is just like the attention-seeking tactics of histrionic individuals. Which means when you’re out partying collectively, she’ll exit of her strategy to discuss to the lads who’ve expressed curiosity in you – simply to see if she will be able to “win” them over and one-up you not directly. Or, if your folks are congratulating you in your newest accomplishment, she is going to interrupt the dialog with a covert put-down to level out one thing you “lack” or heart her personal achievements in an try to steal your thunder.
4. Feminine narcissists habitually pursue folks already in dedicated relationships and attempt to sabotage the relationships of their feminine mates with no empathy for these concerned. Feminine narcissists are usually not simply misleading and susceptible to infidelity in their very own relationships – additionally they generally tend to attempt to sabotage the relationships of others. Even when they’ve a loving, doting companion who spoils them, they’ll make frantic, usually cringe-worthy makes an attempt to “seduce” the companions of their feminine mates or attempt to flirt with males in dedicated relationships as a sport. Narcissistic members of the family similar to narcissistic sisters or narcissistic moms could even take this a step additional by attempting to pursue the boyfriends and husbands of their members of the family. Whether or not they succeed or fail, the important thing function of this conduct is that they have interaction on this conduct actively, chronically and knowingly, taking a sadistic pleasure and thrill in the concept that they might probably “steal” somebody’s consideration away from their major companion. Additionally they don’t have any drawback harming their very own intimate companions by their numerous affairs and transgressions, manufacturing love triangles and utilizing jealousy induction to make their companions really feel chronically jealous and insecure within the relationship.
5. They perpetuate victim-shaming and throw victims below the bus to defend abusers and predators. Probably the most harmful behaviors heterosexual narcissistic ladies have interaction in is centering male consideration to the extent of defending abusers and serial predators – all whereas throwing their harmless victims below the bus. Very like the ladies who wrote love letters to Ted Bundy in jail, feminine narcissists take “Choose Me” tendencies to an entire new stage. They usually view victims of abuse as “weak” and criticize them for being victimized within the first place. Some could even do among the abuser’s soiled work by serving to to hold out degrading and chronic smear campaigns of their victims, attacking these victims with intense misogyny and a sadistic glee that’s unsettling. They may also allow, defend, and defend abusers with a fury that may seem nonsensical and appalling to outsiders.
6. They pit folks towards each other utilizing gossip, slander, rumors and triangulation. Research signifies that a number of types of bullying behaviors, together with relationally aggressive bullying behaviors like spreading gossip, are related to narcissistic traits. Feminine narcissists will manufacture false rumors, pit folks towards each other, and slander the fame of individuals simply to climb the company and social ladder. That is to make sure that they continue to be answerable for the narrative and get forward, positioning themselves as the final word authority over the lives of others.
If, for instance, they really feel threatened by a feminine good friend who seems to be extra fashionable of their social circle, she could start to unfold unflattering rumors about this particular person and even declare that this good friend is speaking about their different mates behind their again – simply to keep up her personal social place of “Queen Bee” in her friendship group. In a familial context, this may occasionally appear to be the narcissistic mom pitting siblings towards each other to determine final energy and management, scapegoating and abusing one baby whereas giving the opposite “Golden Baby” remedy. She could idealize or devalue both baby at any level simply to keep up that management and dominion over her household life.
When contemplating these malignant behaviors, it’s vital to acknowledge that narcissism in ladies entails way over taking a number of too many self-appreciative photos or being useless. As a society, we should determine the true indicators of a narcissist’s cruelty and hurt: their malicious envy, lack of empathy, entitlement, and the underhanded bullying ways they use to demean their victims simply to get forward, or to punish them for threatening their fragile ego.
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